Missing-Nin: Chapter 2

A/N: My plans for this one include equal parts sex, shenanigans, worldbuilding, and eventually a serious plot. Oh, and don't forget some good action along the way.

Chapter 2

My Big Mouth

“Cacaw! Cacaw!”

“Five more minutes
” nineteen-year-old Naruto Uzumaki mumbled.

He waved his hand, trying to fend off the noise of his alarm clock. It didn’t work. Probably because there was no clock.

A sharp beak pecked his nose. Naruto scrambled up with an ugly jolt, swinging his fist reflexively. The attacker — a brown bird with a bright red head — fluttered out of reach. It flew in a circle overhead, screaming at him some more.

“What’s your problem?” Naruto mumbled. He winced, pressing a hand to his lower back as he felt a sudden pain.

I believe that it’s defending its nest, said Kyu’s voice.

“I don’t want anything to do with its stupid nest!”

Perhaps, Ky said. It doesn’t know that, though. And you are awfully close by.

Grimacing, Naruto looked up. There was the offending bundle of twigs just ten feet above him. It was nestled on a thick branch near the top of a towering tree— just like Naruto was. The blond ninja moved so that his feet were dangling off the front of the branch while the coattails of his long orange jacket hung off the back. He grimaced as his back continued to ache.

You’d think, eventually, your body would get used to using something like bark as a bed once you did it enough times. Naruto’s never did. No matter how strong he got, some enemies would always be too much for him. Like sleeping outside in a cold mist.

He took a minute to appreciate the view down from the tree, rubbing his arms to warm them up. The glassy surface of three lakes were visible to the left, thick fog rolling off of them. The terrain here was completely different here from the arid rockiness of the Land of Earth to the north and the sandy wastes of the Land of Wind to the south. Grassy hills made for wonderful farmland, houses scattered across the landscape with a small village not far from Naruto’s tree. Really, Tori no Kuni was beautiful.

“No one ever said anything about there being evil birds, though,” he grumbled, shooting a glare at the bird who woke him.

No one told you there would be birds in the Land of birds? 

“No!” Naruto said. “How was I supposed to know? It could’ve just been a name for all I knew!”

When his stomach grumbled, not even the view could keep him from frowning heavily. For a moment, he considered climbing up and raiding that feathered asshole’s nest for eggs out of spite!

And what are you going to do with raw eggs? Kyu reminded him.

“It’s about revenge!” Naruto insisted.

If you catch a disease for your ‘revenge’ I’m not healing you. Sometimes, you have to learn a lesson.

“I wasn’t really going to do it,” Naruto groaned. “C’mon, lighten up.”

He pushed off with his hands, plummeting down to the earth more than fifty feet below. He landed deftly without a sound, merely bending his knees— and promptly stumbled forward.

“Ow ow OW!” he said, hopping around with two hands pressed to his back. “It’s still tweaked! Still tweaked!”

Inside his psyche, his co-pilot let out a long and pained sigh.

This is what I have to work with.

O-O-O

Tamari Village was a minor settlement of just a couple hundred people. Situated at the edge of the Land of Birds, it was as far as possible from the major powers to the north and south, close to the border with the Land of Rain. That explained why it was so wet. Low clouds rolled over the village, dampening the streets and leaving dew on rooftops. As Naruto trudged toward the center of the village, men and women with scars and hard eyes watched him intently from both sides of the street, many of them sharpening weapons. Tamari Village was a nest.

The name didn’t have anything to do with it being in the Land of Birds. A nest just meant a place where rogue ninja congregated. Usually, it would be a place too obscure for the major villages to pay attention to. You might think missing-nin would hide in the most distant corners of the continent, but in reality, it didn’t work that way. Even a rogue ninja had to eat, and to do that, they needed jobs. Hence: nests.

Nukenin would swarm to one minor village or another, and anyone who wanted a job done off the books would follow them. The village would become a hub of business, full of outsiders, until one of those off-the-books missions pissed off the wrong person. Then Konoha, or Iwa, or Suna, or Kumo, or Kiri — one of the major villages, it didn’t matter which — would be hired to crush the nest, sending the missing-nin they couldn’t kill scattering.

Other than some intimidating looks, no one bothered Naruto. That was another thing about living as a rogue. If you don’t have to fight, don’t. You don’t have a fancy hospital to patch you up anymore.

His stomach growling, Naruto followed his nose looking for anywhere to fill his stomach. As he walked, he passed a girl coming the other direction. She had a hooded cloak on, but he caught a glimpse of her face. Pretty, a couple of years older than him, she had short black hair and pure black eyes. Naruto stopped in the street, looking over his shoulder to watch her. She didn’t look back at all.

“There are strong people in town,” Naruto said. “I wonder if she’s here for the big job too.”

Kyu didn’t answer, because she didn’t know either. The grumble of Naruto’s stomach reminded him that he had more important things to handle, and he went back to following his nose.

The village bakery did plenty of business these days. Villagers and ninja alike formed a long line, ordering steaming fresh meals. The locals looked noticeably happier when they walked out. The Land of Birds were believers in warm meat at every meal, including breakfast. Today, for example, the item on the menu was a thick dough bun with steaming pheasant meat piled on top.

Most of the missing-nin at it grudgingly. It wouldn’t be Naruto’s first choice either, but as soon as the smell reached his nostrils, he knew he’d accept it in a heartbeat if that was all they had.

He dug his hands into his pockets. They kept sinking.

His eyes getting wide, Naruto rooted through them with extra urgency. By the time he got to the front of the line, a woman in an apron watching him with crossed arms, he pulled out the totality of his savings: ten ryƍ.

“How much for a bun?” Naruto asked hopefully.

“Twenty ryƍ.”

“C’mooooooooon.” Naruto leaned onto the counter, allowing his coins to leak between his fingers, clinking against the wood one by one. “Can’t you give a discount for good looks?”

He gave his foxiest smile, the one that really accentuated his whiskers. His spikey blond hair was longer and thicker than it had been as a child, as much because of how difficult it was to get a haircut as any style choices. Naruto tried not to be too big-headed about it, but he had it on good authority that he was handsome.

When he saw the woman reach for the nearest pastry, his grin widened. She planted it in front of him, and he reached for it. Right before his fingers wrapped around the dough, a massive cleaver slammed down on the breakfast item.

Naruto yanked his hand back, stumbling away with wide eyes. If he’d been any slower, he could’ve lost a finger!

“Your portion,” said the shop owner.

She had cut off a third of it, which she pushed toward him, placing the rest of the pastry back where it came from.

“But I had enough money to pay for half
” Naruto said with a tentative smile.

“Take what you’re getting and get out.”

Sighing, Naruto took the deal, fleeing with the food.

“Why does she even have a knife that big?” he grumbled. “Stupid, psychopathic shop owners
 Once I’m rich, then you’ll see!”

Kyu interrupted him as he shook his fist toward the shop window. If you’re going to get rich, working would be a good start. Speaking of


Naruto looked at the position of the sun, much higher than he counted on.

“You’re right!” He stuffed his modest breakfast into his mouth, ignoring the way the pheasant burned the inside of his cheek. “‘M going tuh be lahte!”

O-O-O

A man with a bandana and hood stood with his arms behind his back not far outside of town. In front of him, twenty of the absolute meanest, most grizzled, infamous missing-nin in the area sat and watched him like a hawk. The man didn’t flinch. His headband wasn’t visible today, but everyone in attendance knew he had one, and that it definitely wasn’t struck through. This was a Jounin from Sunagakure.

The major villages didn’t just hunt down missing-nin. In fact, even when they crushed a nest, it wasn’t an accident that many escaped. Missing-nin had no loyalty, no known allegiance to any banner, and were almost untraceable. When someone like Suna wanted a mission done in a way that would never get back to them, they did it this way.

Whoever succeeded in the mission would be rewarded handsomely, often getting paid double or quadruple what a missing-nin would usually make. It just came with the chance that you would be the village’s next target as they tied up a loose end.

Naruto sprinted up to this grizzled group, arriving near that back and wiping sweat off his brow. Made it!

Seeing that he wasn’t going to miss his chance at a payout, he finally allowed himself to chew the food he worked so hard for. The pheasant was stringy.

He glanced around briefly, but the girl he saw in the street that morning wasn’t here. That was strange. For a ninja of her caliber, she’d have a real shot at turning this into a payday.

“So this is all of you.”

The dry, crackly voice drew Naruto’s attention. The Suna Jounin was speaking. 

“I am Tƍru.” The man didn’t move or stutter once, speaking without inflection. “I am the one who spread word of this opportunity. Know that, by being here, I have selected only the best available. Competition will be fierce. I care not if you work together or act alone. The reward will be split evenly, be it ten ways
 or just one.”

Fingers tightened around weapons. Shinobi looked at those around them, sizing everyone up, plotting ways to plant a blade in their back. Naruto yawned. His mouth was dry now, after his meal. He should have brought water.

“Enough trying to scare us!” said one of the fiercest-looking men present. “You think we haven’t been through this before?”

A kunai embedded in the tree he was leaning against, just to the side of his ear. Tƍru’s hand was raised. The missing-nin who spoke looked at the kunai, noticing whistling wind chakra slowly dissipating, giving away what allowed it to pierce such thick bark so easily.

“Do not think you intimidate me,” Tƍru said.

The tension could’ve been cut with a kunai, wind chakra or no. For a moment, it wasn’t clear who might attack, or who they might be attacking. A mass brawl seemed plausible, everyone waiting to see if a punch would be thrown. Naruto swatted at a bug buzzing around his ear. The damn mosquitos were bad in this place!

“...I believe it’s time for details,” Tƍru said.

As tension seeped away, he lowered his hand, placing it behind his back once more. All was forgotten as the missing-nin awaited the details of what could be their big break.

“I need a woman’s head delivered to me,” Tƍru said, raising his arm again to show an ink illustration of a short-haired woman. “The method does not matter, but her face must be recognizable. I don’t care what happens to the rest of her. She has been confirmed to be in the region. Obviously, she is a Kunoichi. That is where the difficulty of this task comes from.”

No one showed signs of cold feet. These were people used to staking their lives.

“Excuse me?” 

A ripple passed through the group as Naruto squeezed between people, working his way forward. He waved his hand to attract Tƍru’s attention. “Over here!”

He stumbled over the huge sword of one of his fellow missing-nin, finally coming to a stop at the front of the crowd.

“Who is that girl?” Naruto asked.

“You don’t need to know,” Tƍru said. “You must merely procure her head.”

“Hmm. No, I need more than that,” Naruto said.

Tƍru’s jaw set. Naruto wondered briefly if he was going to throw another kunai. However, someone else spoke first.

“The kid is correct,” said a nearby nukenin.

The man was odd to look at. His face was long and completely impassive, and he was totally bald, a strange skin-tight black hood wrapped around his scalp.

“For you to pay us to do this, this can’t be an ordinary Kunoichi,” he said. “There’s a reason you came here, paying the way you are. We have to know what makes her special. Otherwise, you can count us out.”

There were murmurs of agreement. Realizing he was at risk of losing his workforce, Tƍru caved, annoyance radiating off of him.

“...She is the Tsuchikage’s granddaughter.”

This earned whispers. Most of them were more concerned about why such a prominent figure from Iwa would be out here, unprotected, than about the danger inherent to their mission. No wonder Suna was coming to missing-nin with this!

“That’s enough for me,” said the bald man. “As long as I know what I’m risking.”

“Well, it’s not enough for me,” Naruto said. “What’d this girl do?”

It took Tƍru a moment to process that. “She was born,” he said. “I now want her dead.”

“Did she do anything bad, though?” Naruto scratched his head. “Like, did she steal from orphans? Kick any puppies? Maybe spit on an old man who wasn’t into that? I’m only clarifying because I’ve met a couple of old men who totally would be into—”

“Why do you care, missing-nin?” Tƍru said.

“Because you’re telling me to kill her,” Naruto said. “So I want a reason.”

“Your reason is money.”

“That’s the reward. But I need more than that if you want me to kill somebody for ya.”

“Then leave, because they do not,” Tƍru said.

Nobody was speaking up for Naruto now, not even the bald man who agreed with him before. In fact, many were laughing at the ridiculous boy who couldn’t just shut up and score a job. “Newbie,” was muttered by more than a few. They thought he was a rookie to this sort of life.

That wasn’t true. He was just bad at it.

“Away with you,” Tƍru said. “I am more than capable of adding a bonus for your head, if you continue to impede this operation.”

“Do it!” cheered a few of the more raucous rogues. Naruto held his hands up, laughing nervously.

“I got it! I got it!” he said, backing away. “You don’t have to do that!”

He took a few more backwards steps, turned, and left faster. He didn’t like unnecessary fights. He was like other nukenin in that way, at least.

You messed it up again.

“Aw, don’t sound so made, Kyu-chan,” Naruto said as he ran away. “You know what I’m like.”

I am not mad. I’m disappointed. I don’t wish to be the first Tailed Beast to have their Jinchuuriki die of starvation.

“I’m sure there’s been one before me!” Naruto said.

His joke fell flat, stifled in the silence that followed it.

“...I know,” Naruto said as the edge of Tamari Village came into sight. “I’ll find some work real soon, I promise. I really am gonna get rich one day! But I’m not going to sacrifice myself to do it. You understand, right?

I understand that you're stubborn, Kyu said after another pause. Naruto sensed her sigh, which was a funny feeling near the back of his brain, like someone was blowing hot air down his scalp. I suppose I can’t complain about that. I’ve benefited from it plenty in the past.

“That’s the spirit!” Naruto pumped his fist as he re-entered the village. “I’ll prove that I’m the best Jinchuuriki ever
 by getting so rich that not even the villages will be able to chase me! And then I’ll buy a ton of big houses, and I’ll plant gardens, and I’ll eat so much yummy food, and there will be cute girls and lots of little foxes running around—”

Look!

The urgency in Kyu’s warning made Naruto think that Tƍru had put a hit out on him after all, and a jutsu was bearing down on his back. Instead, she was just trying to tell him that he wasn’t looking where he was going.

Coming around a corner, Naruto ran headfirst into someone else. She fell down. Naruto barely stayed up. He had a hard head in more ways than one, which came in handy at odd times. He was still pretty sure he was going to have a bruise on the side of his face, at least until it annoyed Kyu enough and she fixed it for him.

“Owww,” groaned the girl, sitting on the ground rubbing her face with both hands. A hood had fallen down when she landed, revealing her short black hair. It was the Kunoichi he’d noticed that morning; the one that moved with the self-assurance of an elite ninja.

What was with that warning, Kyu-chan? Naruto thought. I mean that hurt a little, but you sounded like I was going to die—

No, fool! Look at her!

Naruto blinked, taking better notice of the girl he’d knocked over. She looked a little different, seeing her features in color
 but he recognized them all the same. This was the girl from Tƍru’s wanted poster. It was the Tsuchikage’s granddaughter.

“You!” Naruto and the girl said at the same time, their eyes each widening as they looked at each other.

“Hey,” Naruto said, “I know it’s not really my place to say, but there’s this whole group of ninja who are really close by and want you—”

But it was too late. The girl was speeding through hand signs so fast that her fingers were a blur. Her cheeks bulged out, and she spat a sudden cloud of dark ash.

Directly at Naruto.