Mistyy

Happy Easter 🐣

Added 2019-04-21 07:56:41 +0000 UTC

The Easter bunny will be paying you guys a visit later on tonight so check patreon later! 😛

For the rest of this blog post - I just want to share something, if you are just here to see my image content etc then you don’t have to read this and that’s perfectly fine! But those of you who have gotten to know the real me a bit or a lot - keep reading 💖

The past few days I have tried my best to enjoy just ‘being in the moment’ kinda thing with my life. I have tried to stay off social media apart from just to post an update image etc. My reason for this is because I’m so low lately I’ve become suicidal again and it’s terrifying. So many times I argued with myself about deleting Instagram and giving it all up 😥 but I know my life is better being a model and without the support I get from patreon I would barely afford to survive like a normal person.. I literally get through most my days just reading messages from some of you or even comments of encouragement ❤️

But im just struggling so so much with my image and my mental illness.. I hate myself and I need to do whatever I can to change that. Instagram is so badly damaging to me and I’m sure many other women. Every single time I go on it I end up either hating myself more or in tears. I’ve always said I wanted to just be myself and be real but I’m surrounded by enhanced women. I don’t just mean with surgical procedures I mean with drawn on eye brows, fake eye lashes, Botox injections, lip fillers, drawn on freckles and so many more.. and I seriously can’t afford to maintain myself like that.. I’m a girl that doesn't even have cute painted nails and the last time I had my hair cut was 11 months ago.. I just want to fit in and feel beautiful.. I just want some guys to stop telling me what I need to change about my body.. I have to delete so many comments and messages of negativity towards the way I look because I have a following and somehow that gives men the right to decide what’s wrong with my body and the way I look..
Im not saying at all that I don’t get a LOT of positivity about myself too but because of my already negative mind and mental illness - most of my thoughts only focus on the negative things 😔 and you guys are probably thinking ‘oh but real is better and we love that you’re real etc’ but I know that’s not true 😅 if men preferred REAL then the most loved and adored women on Instagram etc wouldn’t be completely body enhanced.. the faker we look - the more you guys go crazy. Also I know that sounds judgemental so I apologise because I know it’s not EVERY man but according to numbers - Its definitely the majority though. And it’s painful and it’s damaging and it’s ruining the mental health for so many women and our society. I always wish I was born in a different generation where none of this stuff existed.

Now the even scarier thing... the majority of guys now can’t even tell the difference between an ‘enhanced woman‘ and a ‘non enhanced woman’ take an example. Peaches is another sg I’m online friends with and she mentioned not long ago she wanted to get bigger boobs and had a few guys message her telling her “oh no don’t go fake! Your natural boobs are literally perfect” to which, she genuinely laughed at them back telling them she ALREADY had fake boobs and just wanted to make them even bigger - her own statement was “you guys can’t even tell the difference between real and fake” and that... is TERRIFYING. The fact that it’s become so NORMALISED to be enhanced that it’s not even noticeable anymore is CRAZY SCARY!

Here is one more example. It’s shocking. I follow another girl called Sophie who I actually only followed because of a cosmetic page I followed. They do bbl procedures and I want one.. (again, why the media and women’s body expectations is destroying me) but yeah she had a bbl procedure which stands for Brazilian butt lift, where they basically transfer fat from all over your body into your booty giving it that big round look that men go crazy for. (And also give a better shape to the rest of you’re body they took the fat from) Anyway so she gets this done and the page tagged her results. What’s next is SHOCKING. Because it’s also scamming people of money. She has a big following and does not mention she’s ever had such a procedure. Instead, she is SELLING her ‘build a booty workout guide‘ online to other women. She’s posting pictures of herself saying ‘booty progress’ and telling other women that if they buy her workout plan they too can achieve her perfect round booty through squatts etc etc. While getting a million compliments from men telling her she has the perfect ass and how she’s amazing for working so hard to get it. One comment even said that ‘if only all women worked hard at the gym like you they could have an ass like that“ THIS GENERATION IS FUCKED UP.

This is why I’ve been forcing myself to try just live in the moment kinda thing and STAY OFF INSTAGRAM etc. I don’t want to spend my life saving and saving every little bit I have to end up getting myself cosmetic procedures just to fit in! Just to not think I’m ugly 😥I want to travel and get some happiness from that! The list I have of things I want to change about myself is shocking! And yet, I’m literally the type of person who sees beauty in everyone and can love someone for who they are completely.

So basically, if I’m a bit less with posting on Instagram etc it’s just because I’m doing my best to stay off it - however I’ll still be posting here and Snapchat as much as I can because these platforms don’t have an option to scroll and see damaging things etc 😪

I need to give myself as much time and love as possible if I am to heal and learn to accept and love myself for me. With saying all that I HAVE been slowly paying off a breast augmentation over the last 3 years that I’ve almost finished paying. I want to love my small boobies as they are but to be honest I’m sick and tired of being insulted about them all the time. I feel less of a woman not having bigger boobs and therefore I think I will go ahead with this procedure but who knows 🤷🏼‍♀️

Well... I ranted on a lot more than I planned too 🙈 I apologise. I just had to share this with you all so you know my thoughts and feelings about all this and maybe can undercard more why I get withdrawn and upset all the time, I have triggers and sometimes just hate myself in general without triggers 😅 so heres to me this year just putting 100% into myself and my health - and here’s to me doing whatever I can to help any of you guys with your health too 🥂 I’m SO SO thankful I have you all.. you give me this hope that not all men are the same and that there is more to just silly expectations of women’s bodies and that you love me for me INSIDE and OUTSIDE! Thank you thank you thank you 😭❤️

Just to finish off I have NO IDEA why the font changed and I have no idea how to change it back hahaha or even why there are randomly bullet pointed paragraphs 🙈🙈 sorry about that!